I tried. I really did. I wanted to at least like In the Name of the King if only for the sake of Jason Statham of whom I'm a fan. I mean there are so many reasons why I should have liked this movie. It has an excellent cast: Jason Statham, Ron Pearlman, Claire Forlani, John Rhys-Davies, et al. It has plenty of action which you can always count on when Statham is starring. And it is a fantasy flick. But the reality is that anything director Uwe Boll touches, and I'm sorry to use such unflattering language, turns to shit. And, unfortunately, it holds true for this movie. It's so terrible that it doesn't even deserve a proper, critical film review. Uwe Boll has become in my opinion the worst mainstream movie director living today and I just can't take any more of his filth. Henceforth I will never watch another of his movies even if by some miracle one of his future films garners a rating of above 50 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.
But watching this terrible movie wasn't a total waste for it did cause me to do a little thought experiment on what would constitute the perfect bad movie if only as a way of entertaining myself while I suffered through this monstrosity. Here's what I settled on; any movie composed with the following:
Director: Uwe Boll
Producer: Joel Schumacher
Executive Producer: John Travolta
Writer: Michael Bay
Stars: Paris Hilton and Paul Walker
Can you think of any other combination (the conditions being that the people chosen are mainstream film folk and living)?
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